tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530548799681444324.post2585661041671460857..comments2023-10-07T11:03:10.202-05:00Comments on Autist's Corner: How Dare You Be Unhappy?Lindsayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10860246538349067232noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530548799681444324.post-53321240847261391672009-01-17T16:07:00.000-06:002009-01-17T16:07:00.000-06:00I didn't think the writer was necessarily suicidal...I didn't think the writer was necessarily suicidal, either; I just thought Arthur did a good job of showing why, in general, telling people who are unhappy to get over themselves is stupid and cruel.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10860246538349067232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530548799681444324.post-38821993286090412562009-01-16T17:37:00.000-06:002009-01-16T17:37:00.000-06:00I totally agree, so all I can really add is my per...I totally agree, so all I can really add is my personal experience. Someone I know has been suicidal for a very long time, and often either is accused or accuses themselves of being 'selfish'. The ironic thing is that much of this person's problem is an inability to be genuinely selfish, to know who they are, identify what they want, and unashamedly act on it. They find it much easier to be either self-destructive or to sacrifice themselves for others. <BR/><BR/>There's this idea that being 'bad' equates to selfishness, and being 'good' is caring about other people at the other end of that continuum. But actually, being genuinely, efficiently, selfish is usually one of the most beneficial things you can do for other people. A lot of bad stuff happens when people refuse to recognise their own needs, insecurities, or problems, and try to use other people to solve them. <BR/><BR/>This is also, of course, a gendered thing: there's a big tradition of women being praised and idolised for their 'selflessness' in caring for men and children, their sweetness and innocence, which encourages them to suppress their needs, use other people as substitutes, and often inflict a lot of pain on those others. Who then blame women in general for being a 'nag' or a 'stifling' mother, castigating it as selfishness. <BR/><BR/>'Selflessness' sounds lovely, until you read it a different way and it sounds like the most horrible thing imaginable.Alderson Warm-Forkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14850852943973095836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530548799681444324.post-58555042908657942662009-01-16T12:52:00.000-06:002009-01-16T12:52:00.000-06:00The letter bugged me too, but not entirely for the...The letter bugged me too, but not entirely for the same reason. I wouldn't go as far as to assume that the writer is having suicidal thoughts or is in a great deal of mental pain just because (s)he is unhappy and has been wondering about the purpose of life. Being unmotivated, unhappy, and confused does not necessarily equate to being suicidal or in major mental anguish.<BR/><BR/>But I agree with your analysis to this extent: Dear Abby is failing to recognize that we live in a very complex, confusing, and often unfair society, which can cause people to feel that they are unable to make meaningful choices and that they lack a purpose in life.<BR/><BR/>She is speaking from a position of privilege because she is wealthy and always had a clear life path. She took over the advice column from her mother and never had to deal with the sort of uncertainty that the letter writer described. Her "verbal kick in the fanny" comment does indeed come across as the arrogance of the privileged class.abfhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01228622726560993968noreply@blogger.com